Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
