At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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