he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize