I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
