She's JV to your varsity
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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