I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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