new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Randomize
