please come you make the beer taste better
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize