Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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