you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
