After last night, I could never be a politician.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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