I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
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Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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