I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
