it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
