I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
