we have officially lost it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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