i jhust puked up my retainher.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
