I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
