Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just blew my weed a kiss
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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