Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
