I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
