So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
