You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
