Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
