I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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