i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
