Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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