Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
