Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
