It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
