Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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