She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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