It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm gonna fight the coyote
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
