It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
