A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
