It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
