Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
