I'm eating all of the evidence.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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