I CAN MOONWALK!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
