I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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