I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
