the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
