Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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