And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
