I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize