I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
