Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
