we have officially lost it.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
