1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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