life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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