i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
