Quick, to the slutcave!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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