LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
