If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
