What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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