hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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