hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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