Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
