from now on my penis is your penis
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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