Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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