He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
