Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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