How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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