You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
