brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Randomize
