wrigley field is MILF paradise
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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