About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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