im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
