I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
