Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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