Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
