Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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