I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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