I accidentally burped into my bong.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
