Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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