We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
