The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
