Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
