shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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