U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
