sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
