I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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