don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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