you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
